This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
