hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
