apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
