I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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