i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And then the night went full on bisexual.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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