my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
