bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
