I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
