The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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