I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
