Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
