The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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