Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
