i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
