I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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