I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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