I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
