Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
