I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
