omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
