I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
