I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
