video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
dude. I can hear the air.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
