We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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