just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
