Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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