my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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