you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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