I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
