So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
