Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
