You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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