I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
