umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
