I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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