My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
