Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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