I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
