Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
