Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my phone needs a breathalizer
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
