You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
