When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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