My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
