i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
