He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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