I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
