Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
