Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
