Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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