Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
